treatment, cytoxan, doing nothing at all...

i've decided that I'm going to use this place as somewhere for me to vent and such. I don't know. I just need a place where i can talk and ramble and no one cares what i am saying or doing or such.

i went to doctor dames today. we have decided to go the cytoxen route for treatment. this will be the once a month iv treatments for 5 hours. this is the same treatment that they are doing in the trial. so that's one good thing about it. secondly, i won't have to take more pills, that's a yeah. and it's a treatment plan. we have decided on something and we are doing it. finally.. i was so hoping to have something started by christmas, but this is good... i hope it is at least.

we are going to do the cytoxen for 6 months. then evaluate, and then either continue 6 months at that time, or start cellcept. *shrugs* i don't know anymore. I wish someone would just say. this is the best thing for you. do it.

i feel so empty lately. i guess it's the christmas season. i've got to finish the projects i have to get done for next week... but i just don't want to do anything. I just want to sleep and watch tv, and play on my computer, and just don't do anything... but i guess i can't do that. I have to be an active member of society.